Maybe I'm the afterglow...
2008-06-17 // 10:20 a.m.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm still here. I'm just so fucking busy that my life consists of working and packing up my apartment to start my new life as a suburban housewife.

Work is insane. Like, I'm literally going to have a psychotic break soon. I'm not even sure if I can fully do justice to the insanity that has become my place of employment. To start with, we went from 50 employees to 32 - in less than a year. Add to that the fact that our profile increased and the amount of money we suddenly had to raise increased due to diminished public funding and you have a massive disaster on your hands.

I now effectively work two full-time jobs. I plan these huge events - and then I handle the quarterly newsletter BY MYSELF and any PR stuff that comes up. Which is a lot. Gay kids make news.

In May and June, I wrote an entire newsletter, did a huge amount of PR work and planned a 350 person event that brought in 30% more than it did last year in funding. By. Myself.

Now, I'm getting kudos and congrats, but that doesn't diminish the fact that I have two more huge events coming up in September and November and more newsletters and more PR stuff. Oh, and I'm in charge of the website redesign. I work harder and more hours than anyone in this agency with the exception of the senior executive team. And of course, I get paid FAR LESS than the senior executive team.

I'm thisclose to burning out completely and it ain't good. Last Monday, I came in EXHAUSTED. I had run a huge event on Saturday, we had another huge event to prepare for taking place later in the week - and our aircon at work failed and then the computers and phone lines died. The Boss then snapped at me in front of a room full of people because I hadn't checked to see if she had thank you cards. Really? REALLY? Am I your secretary??? Are you unable to determine if you have thank you cards??? I lost my shit completely. I mean, I sat in my office, which was about 100 degrees (oh yeah, the ED wouldn't let us leave either) and sobbed until I couldn't even breathe. I was just so tired, so broken. I work really hard and am always on my BlackBerry. I haven't seen my friends in months. MONTHS. I pulled off a huge home run. What more do these people want from me??

I've been interviewing off and on for the past month and turning down jobs because the money offered is poop. And I don't want to have to start somewhere else. I do love the people I work with. So I think I've determined that either I have to get a raise (fat chance) or they have to hire some new staff to ease the pressure. Supposedly, we're getting an associate and a person to handle the PR and communications so I can focus on events. If it doesn't happen by September - I'm leaving.

Now. I am currently packing up the apartment and preparing to leave the 'hood and move into rural America. Luckily, that part is only temporary, since Gina has sworn to me before God and all that we will move to a more populated town that doesn't require a two hour commute. While I'm excited to have my bills cut in half, I am NOT excited to be in Bumblefuck for a summer (having a pool helps) and having to commute into The Big Stinky five days a week throughout July and August.

So, I'm forcing myself to leave the office today by 6 pm so I can go home, write a long-overdue letter to someone, answer all my emails and book movers. My poor little cat is so neglected - I only see him for a few hours in the evening and it's been so hot that I've been sleeping on the couch, so he can't curl up next to me. Gina has promised me that in December, we'll take a cruise somewhere warm. I'm going to need it. I'm also forcing myself to go out on Thursday with Gregg for dinner and a meeting. Oh yes. I haven't made any meetings in months. And no sponsor. But I don't really want one right now. Shit, I'm barely even making my therapy sessions and I haven't had a fill since April and am eating everything in sight.

I think I need something nice to happen soon.

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fierce // fabulous

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Past entries:
You've got the moves, baby, I've got the motion. - 2008-09-14
More more more - 2008-08-31
More more more - 2008-08-31
Relapse. Again. - 2008-08-28
Moving on up.... - 2008-08-14