Keep with me forward all through the night.
2007-12-06 // 8:44 p.m.

Thank God, Buddha, Kali, and all other deities and Higher Powers that my event last week was just absolutely spectacular. Seriously the best event we've ever had as an agency. We raised $1.2 million,but even better than that, the production - from red carpet to videos - went off without a hitch. As much as I bitch about working with celebrities, and as annoying as I find their publicists and managers to be, they certainly do add excitement to the evening. The highlight, of course, was Ms. C*ndi La*per performing three songs - and then talking to me in her dressing room and dancing all night at the After Party. She seemed interested in me, possibly because I got teary-eyed when I met her.

Seriously, a total success and I was touched to be recognized by so many people as the person pulling this together. God knows, I've been working like a dog for the past nine months, with back to back events and with this big one, I was pulling 14-15 hour days, seven days a week. What a relief to be finished! To celebrate, The Boss took us all out for an incredibly expensive steak dinner on Tuesday night. Everyone got totally wasted - except yours truly - and at one point, I was standing outside in the freezing cold with The Boss while she slurred about how valuable I am and how she's coaching me and training me to become a Director. It was very sweet, albeit very drunken, but I do feel as if I finally found the right mentor and the right job for me. I'm very very good at what I do. I know that. The only thing standing in my way is my lack of confidence in myself. And - my tendency to constantly relapse on drugs. God works in mysterious ways and while I was planning on just giving up and drinking at the event, I put that thought out of my mind when I saw a very drunk out-of-control man get ejected by security for being a complete lunatic. Is that what I want? Do I want to lose control like I used to? THERE IS NO HONOR IN DRINKING. It doesn't matter. It doesn't make you special. It doesn't make you smarter, prettier, thinner, or happier. The End.

What I am doing, is eating my way through the entire food stock of America. I saw the nutritionist last week and got my food plan for pre- and post-surgery. I am going to be on liquids for a month. A MONTH! And things like steak and pizza just will never happen again, because they blob up the band. Oh my lord. But I'm going to be so goddman thin, you guys, I'm going to look like the hottest lesbian in all of NYC. Which is good, because right now I'm the fattest, most pissed off lesbian in the city. I was given 2 VIP tickets to a really big lesbian party tonight, as I do work with the people running this party. But I'm too fat to go. I don't want to walk into the VIP lounge and have all these skinny bitches stare at me and say, "Who let the fatso in?" I gave my VIP tickets to The Boss, who is a size 2 and looks like a model, and she is going with her girlfriend, also size 2, looks like a model. But once I have this surgery - it's all over. I will no longer give up my tickets and I will hit every party on the circuit.

But I digress. It's quiet and calm at work. My big project today was loading up The Boss's new video iPod with my iTunes. I also got a new video iPod and boy, do I love it. I watch "Family Guy" episodes on my way into the office every morning. SNG and I are obsessed with "The Office" and have Netflixed Seasons 1-3 to catch up on the weekends. I'm definitely Dwight Schrute to The Boss's Michael Scott. It's fucking freezing right now and there's a light dusting of snow on the ground. I'm on the guest list for a big club night tomorrow, but I don't feel like going (fat issue again). I see the surgeon next week. New surgery target date is February 4. I will be 33 by then. This bothers me, but I don't know why. I haven't heard back from Ellen for almost three weeks, so she must be in some crazy shit mood. My period is late. I'm burnt out, but refuse to take a day off. Why? I have no idea.

What I'm reading: A Charmed Life, Liza Campbell.
What I'm hearing: The Office.
What I'm learning: I may be Type A, but I get the job done.

(5) got something to tell me? confess!

fierce // fabulous

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Past entries:
You've got the moves, baby, I've got the motion. - 2008-09-14
More more more - 2008-08-31
More more more - 2008-08-31
Relapse. Again. - 2008-08-28
Moving on up.... - 2008-08-14